I have supported many family members and friends of addicts and alcoholics who have been caught in the illusion that they could not know peace, serenity, calm, or sanity until their loved one quit drinking or using. They had relinquished the power they had over their own lives and handed it over to the person least capable of handling it - the addict or alcoholic. They describe feeing imprisoned, helpless, out of control, exhausted, confused, hurt, and angry. They harbor the mistaken belief that if their loved one stops drinking or using, THEN things will be better, and thus they must beg, plead, threaten, coerce, guilt, manipulate, or shame their loved one into changing their behaviors. What many struggle to see, is that the further their loved one spirals into their addiction, the further they spiral too, into their own parallel path of destruction, typically without the alcohol or drugs to blame it on.
So what can family members and loved ones do? Accept that they have permission to take care of themselves. Check out this video to learn more.